51/50 or 1234

Random Thoughts...

Why did my apple cost a dollar while a candy bar was only .50¢?

I love facial expressions. They make me so happy. Even if they aren’t. Everyone always wants to know what others are like on the inside, and they can if they stop to express themselves and just pay attention to the signs.

The motel near my home is renting rooms by the hour, clearly the recession is not in a recession…

How can I take anyone serious who looks like a Dr.Suess character… or people that rhyme their insults?

Why does sitting under a light make me so happy?

Why does it make me angry to see an obese girl with a tiny little purse?

I’m scared to admit that I like being scared, because if I admit to liking being scared that it may wear off its appeal and I may be scared no more orrr… I maybe have given myself a reason to be scared by admittance.

My favorite part of living is not living. It is dreaming. I love to sleep and I love to dream. I love my imagination and I grant it to run a mock all the time. I love my dreams so much I cheat on my reality. If dreams are so real and reality seems so vague, is it possible that we live in two parallel worlds?

I love meeting people and I love forcing my friendship on them. I love making people feel uncomfortable and I love unusual peculiar characters.

Arguments are so useless. They always give you the opposite results. If you are forcing something on someone else, it will only undo what you were doing. If I was forced into doing something I would make it wards-back downside up… So in terms I would make you suffer if you undid me. To make someone do something is not do it to them but do it to yourself and brag about it. The lack of it will make it want and soon others will follow and no one can resist a trend. E.I. There is not enough Jesus to go around. Sorry about your luck.

Why do girls paint on their faces beyond recognition? Might as well tattoo it on.

I love the character Edward from Edward Scissor hands. I want to live with him in his neatly maintained macabre castle.

-J

Love

I remembered a phrase about love today and it kept ringing in my ear all day. Some young gal stated that she wished there were different words for love with different levels of intensity. She stated because we love different people differently there should be a different way of verbally expressing it… (I wish there was emocon for rolling my eyes and exhaling.)

The Bible is pretty clear about love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. “Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy; is not boastful: is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds not joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

I love the word love. I love love. I love loving and love being loved. I love seeing and hearing about love and being the helping hand in creating love. I would even say that I’m a lover and not a fighter. I believe love is a cure, remedy a tool and even maybe used as a weapon, in a good way. But I can definitely say that I have never been IN love.

It’s kind of disappointing to see or hear it being misused or abused or used incorrectly. It’s sad that some people confuse infatuation or comfort for love. It is sad to see people choose the meaning for the word instead of what was already deemed by the Bible or let alone the Wiki.

Everyone wants to be in love or be loved, and in some cases to love. But we must have the clear understanding what love is. If you had to wait for it would it be worth the most unreasonable time? Does it mean you must always be on your best behavior, regardless? Is keeping tally of things you’ve done right and the things your partner has done wrong keep the love between you stronger? Is love contingent about reciprocation? Do you love only once or can you love again? Are we made in pairs? Or do we have people we are better suited with than others?

Anyway I’m pretty conservative but I always want to know what it means to others.

Love Jewels

Mushroom picking

I am very privileged in the terms of friends and family. As a lame quote states, there is never a dull moment. This weekend went by quickly but was quite entertaining. My nationality, which is Russian, bares humor out of hardship and laughter from pain. With the addition being surrounded by other minorities and Americans, births comical circumstances and views that can only be laughed at. This Saturday my parents, who are saturated by biased views, aka “Russians are the best people in the world,” decided to go mushroom picking. This concept may sound foreign to you, but it’s my peoples favorite pass time. My family, for most part are morning people and we wake up before the birds. Whilst I and my lovely sister drag and stumble over nothing down stairs to make coffee and breakfast and set our parents off to the woods, we observe their oo… not so strange rituals.

Slowly and blindly eating my eggs with out any warning my sister looks over at me and states the following:

Sister: “When I was 12 and when no body was home, I used practice my scissor kicks around the house. I used to take a running start from the kitchen into the living room, I was pretty good.”

I: “That explains all the broken stuff around the house.”
Sister: “Chuck Norris has nothing on me.”

Than as we watch our parents put on their mushroom picking attire we watch our eccentric father dress all in camouflage, head to toe, puts a bell on our 25lb Aussies collar and puts a laundry basket under his arm. Naturally not understanding all of this we asked what’s with all the camouflage and the bell on our pooch. Dads reply was “its common sense, you’re going into the woods therefore you must blend in, the bell is if the dog gets attacked by the bear or a coyote I know which way to run after him.”

Arguably, hands down, that is an amazing argument… However the basket was still a mystery. Dads answer to that was the following, and I quote; “stupids, you can’t put mushrooms in a bag, they will squish and get soggy. If you collect them in the basket, because it has air holes, they will stay fluffy and wont squish. Everybody knows this. And if they don’t, they must be American.”

I love my family.

Love Jewels

No action due to indecisiveness is no lack, but a gain of nothing good.

Our God is perfect and He created us so perfectly. He is the God of choice and granted us every possible feeling on a continuum. It is up to us what we choose to do with them, and how we use our emotions to drive our decisions. I believe that wrong and right decisions at times aren’t defined so starkly. I almost want to declare that there is no wrong and right when it comes down to the general and average day life decisions. Of course this excluded ethically wrong decisions like murder, marital affairs, cheating stealing and other things found in the Ten Commandments. For instance we feel physical pain because our body is alarming us that there is a malfunction. We experience joy when we get what we want, and so forth. However, some feelings can me misused in an unconstructive kind of way.

I don’t understand fully why we have jealousy. What polar effect does jealousy have? Is jealousy telling us that we have failed to do, say or acquire something? If we didn’t get that piece of “cake” to begin with, maybe because we were shy or thought the “cake” is going to grow legs or balls and come hither. And someone came along that was decisive and forward enough to take it and we missed the opportunity, isn’t that kind of our fault? Why stare while it’s being consumed and feel jealous? Why not go get it back if you really want to? Does that sound ridiculous? Isn’t that unreasonable or is jealousy a warning for a lack to be filled? These questions aren’t leading questions nor am I asking because I truly have a conclusive feeling about these “cake” stealing activities. I think you get my metaphors and see me for the indecisive, timid, shy girl I am, who is inwardly super over analytical of every breath and move.

We all at times blame God, others or even circumstances. It makes us feel better knowing that we aren’t the once to charge for our misfortunes. Assuming or conveying self that someone is at fault for our short comings and staggers only numbs a broken bone. And if we aren’t honest with ourselves the same mistake will stay in qui.

Lets be grown ups and admit that in aftermath it’s not what happens to us, it’s the way we receive or perceive our fortune. Try not labeling a decision as wrong or a right but calculate and foresee what consequences will follow and understand if that is a chance you’re willing to take.

P.S. I bare myself to you so that you may not have to experience on yourself. Some mistakes are costly and embarrassing and better to be avoided. Comments are always welcome.

Love,

Jewels

My favorite type of people

Every person in the world thinks they are better than anyone they know in whole or in aspects. There is no man or woman that doesn’t love his or her own flesh and everything else for that matter. Perplexing to think that the judgment we reflect on others creates our self worth and a cozy feeling that we are near perfection. We might have giant pores, kancles, and a jungle full of pubis for hair, set all that aside we still bargain and compare our selves with others and argue that we are certainly better and this is why… blah.

I am a believer in things like watching the microwave or the stock market will telepathically will go in my favor. However I don’t believe that doing the whole downwards spiral comparison and comparing yourself who is less fortunate than you makes you better. Yes it should make you feel grateful, but certainly not superior. Who worships a measurement for success that certainly isn’t successful? In other words why would you measure yourself on the abstinence the lack or the have not’s? Per say even if you didn’t dwindle someone out of their money, what are you successful in? Not being a crook?

I think that by practicing equality and finding the best in people makes you the best human God intended you to be. The least, you will be avoided being judged and prosecuted and crucified for your mistakes. And everyone needs forgiveness. Last weekend I over heard a conversation and couldn’t help t keep listening. One of older men stated that he doesn’t believe in higher race or that money makes you of higher status. There are scum of the earth that come from any circle. And they began laughing about a side comment someone made in their group about that “one of his favorite people are whores.” The man who interrupted began to explain that women of that talent should be admired and revered. They give girlfriends and wives the reason to try to be the best they can be, at the least. In solitary situations or in relationship, that compound is a necessity. Knowing how to be a real woman with a man is a necessity but isn’t common knowledge. It takes talent and practice. I guess some see it as being a “whore” I see it as talented women who are over zealous opportunists.

And of course I am being silly and please take those terms loosely. I am not promoting prostitution and by using the title whore, I mean charming and flirtation coquettes who can get a man sprung. We all know that one of the best feelings is being admired and chased and especially by someone reputable. Oh those beautiful women that know how to walk and talk that steal all the attention from the Plain Janes’ of the worlds such as I...

I admire them. The girls with this instinct on how to take care of a man. This is coming from a big dork whos vision of flirtation is bodily harm. A woman of such caliber is looked up on by many including me for many reasons. One like that man said, they give wives an girlfriends a reason to try everyday be the best they can be and keep their men happy, as you want have done on to you of course. Second reason, reproduction, natural selection, awkward turtles of the worlds are less seen out of their normal habitats now a days. Three, they are talented and seasoned professionals. Girls with such talents not only know their way around men, but women and society as well. There is a saying that goes as such “you’ll attract more bees with honey.”

I don’t think this argument was a very good one but I think that it at least gave you something to think about. The next time you’re passing judgment think about your vises and how lucky you are to have what you have.

With Love Jewels,

My Date

So I recently had a sort of an official date, I guess you could call it. One of very few. It was quite different and some what awkward, but in a good sort of way. This man went out of his way to arrange plans and ignored taking my indecisive whining personal. Like any friend should. Many people would have taken offense to the fact and read it as ignorance or flakiness. He took charge like a real man should.

I hope to derive lessons from any experience. There were many, many I can’t talk about. Many that made me blush. Few that I’m still confused about. I learned many college terms mid some 20’s aged men use, such as “raw doggin.” Gross I know, yet entertaining. What is a 5th, and that top shelf liquor doesn’t give you hang-overs.

I also taught my date that to my experience most girls and women have not yet come to it or going be ok with the fact that men are kind of pervs and that’s the way they were built, period. Men are very visual and need to be stimulated very often. I on the other hand learned that fact, and made it part of my honors code.

Few of my married girlfriends and I have come to a conclusion about two things that are proven to make a man happy. There is a term we created which is H&H. I only have very little experience and only with the first H only. If you perform the H&H you are probably going to get your way with your man, be it that you want shopping money, attention, vegetable garden or something kinky in bed, whatever your trivial wish is, it is most likely going to get granted. A man is a simple creature. (speaking in generality) He is literal. He is low maintenance. I don’t mean to make him sound like a chia-pet, but he is a cake walk compared to the needs of a woman.

My handsome date agrees with this. If you are searching for away to make your man happy, whether it is selfless or with an agenda, you must perform the following two steps.

First H-Stands for Hungry. Feed your man. No one is grouchier than a man after a full day of work. Every man that coming home after work expects a hot meal. That’s a no brainer.

Second H-Stands for Horny. Knowing that sex is fuel of men, sex your husband up. Make it good but snappy, the fore-play is for you so save it until a little later.

After you had laid it on him good and made him feel like a King, ask him. Men know they are our Knights in shinning armor and they fight for that title.

Amongst other interesting lessons, I learned not to turn everyone down. You can never judge anyone based on first impressions, as you can never really know anyone until you’ve gotten to spend some time with him or her.

You will never find your Love Mate if you never take the time to get to know someone. How do you get to the Carnegie hall? Practice, practice, practice, my conservative damsels.

Love Jewels

I have my pride! (ish)

So today’s lesson is more of a question than a statement. It is safe to say that everyone has had a moment as mine, and perhaps a similar character in their tale. A tale of two in which you, or I sadly, become the villain, the antagonist and the damsel who you’ve wronged and left with out an apology or scion you’ve broken off yourself to cover the wound you and I have caused. This tale is a sort of a romantic one, but perhaps this one will be with out a happy ending, to soon to speak.

It is a simple case. This matter brings great joy to me as I have come up with the words for my vain mistake, but a bit sad that I haven’t found the chutzpah to follow through to the end, so my tale is yet to be complete. In any event I have wronged my damsel; my damsel was not completely with out fault and in fact strung me along. However, no one deserves to be ignored, felt unwanted, unloved and mistreated on the count of ones feeling of incomplete.

Resentment will grow if you don’t apologize for stepping out or holding out on your loved one. Believe me, your loved one will always know, they are always waiting on you to do the right thing and come forward. It’s like those 12 steps to sobriety, first of which is admitting. Admit it, that you’ve screwed up! I admit that I shouldn’t have mistreated my damsel a pure dream, and cut him out of my life as if he were cancer.

Revaluate your lack and your contribution in your relationship. If you ignore your heart and wait on your half because of your sense of entitlement (hint) to apologize first, you are condemning your own self and you will be the reason for your broken link. In my situation day after D day, or more or less 5 months in, I threw the line. Happily, this line may salvage a friendship, but nothing more. I was scared, and it took me that long to understand why I was so wrong. Five months I’ve wasted contemplating on an apology that was rightfully owed. Each time that I began to find the words to apologize I always though of the counter reply and expected to be turned down, and couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t accept the idea that I may be told that I WAS wrong and my apology is too late. By the time I discarded and pushed all silly ideas away that meant I would be shut down, I understood that all this time I was simply battling my ego. I was too PROUD. I was too proud to show simple gesture of humility.

I lost something because I of pride, a sense of equality and superiority. What sense is there in that? What makes one person better then another? On a continuum or complete happiness where would one be if one boasted and another humbled himself? What difference would it make to you if your “what ifs” stayed “what ifs?” I don’t know that I relayed this the way I wanted to and I don’t know if I put a smile on your face, as it what I intended. As you see it is all silly and it’s all foolish, better to humble and perhaps gain what you have once lost rather then gain a complex by always pondering on what you will loose if you apologize?

Love Jewels