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September 15, 2010

I have my pride! (ish)

So today’s lesson is more of a question than a statement. It is safe to say that everyone has had a moment as mine, and perhaps a similar character in their tale. A tale of two in which you, or I sadly, become the villain, the antagonist and the damsel who you’ve wronged and left with out an apology or scion you’ve broken off yourself to cover the wound you and I have caused. This tale is a sort of a romantic one, but perhaps this one will be with out a happy ending, to soon to speak.

It is a simple case. This matter brings great joy to me as I have come up with the words for my vain mistake, but a bit sad that I haven’t found the chutzpah to follow through to the end, so my tale is yet to be complete. In any event I have wronged my damsel; my damsel was not completely with out fault and in fact strung me along. However, no one deserves to be ignored, felt unwanted, unloved and mistreated on the count of ones feeling of incomplete.

Resentment will grow if you don’t apologize for stepping out or holding out on your loved one. Believe me, your loved one will always know, they are always waiting on you to do the right thing and come forward. It’s like those 12 steps to sobriety, first of which is admitting. Admit it, that you’ve screwed up! I admit that I shouldn’t have mistreated my damsel a pure dream, and cut him out of my life as if he were cancer.

Revaluate your lack and your contribution in your relationship. If you ignore your heart and wait on your half because of your sense of entitlement (hint) to apologize first, you are condemning your own self and you will be the reason for your broken link. In my situation day after D day, or more or less 5 months in, I threw the line. Happily, this line may salvage a friendship, but nothing more. I was scared, and it took me that long to understand why I was so wrong. Five months I’ve wasted contemplating on an apology that was rightfully owed. Each time that I began to find the words to apologize I always though of the counter reply and expected to be turned down, and couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t accept the idea that I may be told that I WAS wrong and my apology is too late. By the time I discarded and pushed all silly ideas away that meant I would be shut down, I understood that all this time I was simply battling my ego. I was too PROUD. I was too proud to show simple gesture of humility.

I lost something because I of pride, a sense of equality and superiority. What sense is there in that? What makes one person better then another? On a continuum or complete happiness where would one be if one boasted and another humbled himself? What difference would it make to you if your “what ifs” stayed “what ifs?” I don’t know that I relayed this the way I wanted to and I don’t know if I put a smile on your face, as it what I intended. As you see it is all silly and it’s all foolish, better to humble and perhaps gain what you have once lost rather then gain a complex by always pondering on what you will loose if you apologize?

Love Jewels

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