Mushroom picking

I am very privileged in the terms of friends and family. As a lame quote states, there is never a dull moment. This weekend went by quickly but was quite entertaining. My nationality, which is Russian, bares humor out of hardship and laughter from pain. With the addition being surrounded by other minorities and Americans, births comical circumstances and views that can only be laughed at. This Saturday my parents, who are saturated by biased views, aka “Russians are the best people in the world,” decided to go mushroom picking. This concept may sound foreign to you, but it’s my peoples favorite pass time. My family, for most part are morning people and we wake up before the birds. Whilst I and my lovely sister drag and stumble over nothing down stairs to make coffee and breakfast and set our parents off to the woods, we observe their oo… not so strange rituals.

Slowly and blindly eating my eggs with out any warning my sister looks over at me and states the following:

Sister: “When I was 12 and when no body was home, I used practice my scissor kicks around the house. I used to take a running start from the kitchen into the living room, I was pretty good.”

I: “That explains all the broken stuff around the house.”
Sister: “Chuck Norris has nothing on me.”

Than as we watch our parents put on their mushroom picking attire we watch our eccentric father dress all in camouflage, head to toe, puts a bell on our 25lb Aussies collar and puts a laundry basket under his arm. Naturally not understanding all of this we asked what’s with all the camouflage and the bell on our pooch. Dads reply was “its common sense, you’re going into the woods therefore you must blend in, the bell is if the dog gets attacked by the bear or a coyote I know which way to run after him.”

Arguably, hands down, that is an amazing argument… However the basket was still a mystery. Dads answer to that was the following, and I quote; “stupids, you can’t put mushrooms in a bag, they will squish and get soggy. If you collect them in the basket, because it has air holes, they will stay fluffy and wont squish. Everybody knows this. And if they don’t, they must be American.”

I love my family.

Love Jewels